Life After the Mockinjay
by buttercupandmeredith
Summary: Story about the last pages of Mockinjay, before the epilogue. How life became after the war for Peeta and Katniss.
1. He needs you

It's a cold winter night but I don't feel like walking away from the window. From here I can see the pouring rain and even tough storms used to lead me into a bad mood I don't mind. Actually, there are few things I care right now. It's been like that since I came back to District 12 a few months ago. This house is so empty and it doesn't feel like home. Not without Prim. I avoid getting near her bedroom or even thinking about her. Of course it doesn't work and there's always a time in the day when I realize she's not coming back. Buttercup makes sure he's not far away from the house. I think he expects Prim to come back. Little does he know that is not going to happen.

My mom didn't come back. I guess there are too many memories here. I haven't been talking to her a lot lately but I know she's been avoiding the subject. If it was five years ago I would call her weak. Now I don't blame her.

Suddenly I spot lights turning on in Peeta's house. I probably didn't see him because of the rain. Right now our relationship is confusing. A mess would be a better word. We adhered to the same status we had before the Victory Tour. We only speak if we have to, but help ourselves with bread and hunting, which is ridiculous considering all we've been through the past couple of years. I don't know what I feel about him. I miss him quite terribly, but I don't know how to act around him anymore. I admit I avoid thinking about it because, even if I liked him, what are the odds of us working out? I mean, he has been hijacked and I know there are moments that he's not sure if I'm his friend or a mutt. So instead I pretend nothing's happened and he does as well.

It's 8:00 p.m. but I'm not hungry enough to eat. Night is the worst time because I know nightmares are coming up. I can already picture Prim dying or some of the tributes from the games exploding while I just watch, not doing anything to help. I decide to go to Haymitch's and get distracted.

As soon as I get there I notice that the door is unlocked so I just come in without knocking. His place is a mess and as usual, he's drunk.

"Hey Haymitch" I say.

"Well, look who decided to get out of the house. Good evening sweetheart. How was your typical boring day?" He replies.

"Typical. You've got anything to eat?" I ask, realizing there'll be a time I'll have to put food in my body.

"I thought Greasy Sae had stopped by your place".

"She did" I respond, remembering this afternoon. Greasy Sae goes to my house every day. I don't want company, but it's nice to have a person other than Peeta or Haymitch there.

"But you missed me, right? Have a seat, I'll get you something" He answers, but as he gets up, he starts a failed attempt of having balance to stand.

"Don't worry, I'll help myself" I say.

Sometimes I wonder if Haymitch has the same kind of nightmares that I do. And if that's the reason why he still drinks. I believe so because no one goes out off the games without a scar. Not even Annie did and I think she used to be the kind of girl everyone loved and that made everyone's day better.

"Guess who stopped by here today". Haymitch says, bringing me from my thoughts back to real life.

"Who?" I ask.

"Lover boy. He got me the bread you're holding right now"

"Oh really?" I say, trying to look surprised. I know that he bakes. What's his point?

"You know part of his baking is an effort to stay sane. Dr. Aurelius isn't what we call effective"

It's true. It's not like he's the best psychologist in the world, but answering his phone calls would help. Even because, what does he know about what we're going through? He can't know. No one can but us. Instead, my treatment is hunting. Peeta's is baking. Haymitch's is alcohol.

"The thing is, girl on fire, he's still messed up. A lot. And he needs help. From you. There are things that you're the only that can explain." He says. How could he say that? He can't just demand I talk about such personal things with Peeta. I'm not ready yet.

"How can I explain this stuff to him if even I am confused?" I say almost screaming.

"I'm sure you're confused but he's more. You know that. And he deserves answers. Complete answers, not only real or not real".

The annoying thing is that he's right.

"Yeah. We'll see" I say, walking towards the door. "Good night Haymitch".

"Sweet dreams Katniss" he says in a sarcastic way.

In a short time, I'm at home. As I try to sleep, I understand what Haymitch meant. I might not deserve Peeta, but he deserves answers. He deserves to know the truth, even if this drives me crazy. So I close my eyes, and catch myself wanting that a blue eyed boy was here to take my nightmares away.


	2. Walk me home?

It's hers. It's her voice. I know it is and it scares me so much to know that she's in danger. I don't have a clue of where she is so I just try to follow her voice and expect it to guide me to her. The sound is getting louder so I think I'm getting nearer. The moment I see her blond hair I wake up screaming. Another nightmare. I guess I'll have to get used to seeing my little sister die every night for the rest of my life.

I get up feeling terrible, but better than the average of the days I've spent here since the end of the revolution. I decide to go out for hunting to keep my mind away from here. I have a quick breakfast with some bread that Peeta had left here and go out of the house. It's really cold so I doubt I'll have a good day in the forest but food is not the reason why I go there so it doesn't matter. I grab my jacket and go.

I was right, I only got two squirrels but it's 2:00 p.m. so I go home. While I'm passing through the JusticeBuilding, I spot Peeta going to the same rode I am, the one that connects the rest of district 12 to the Victor's Village. I take courage and get closer to him.

"Hi Peeta! What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Hi Katniss. I was just looking at the new buildings. May I ask you the same question?" He says looking at the bag I'm carrying with the squirrels. He doesn't think is a good idea for me to be hunting so soon. Over protective even hijacked.

"Doing the only thing I'm good at" I say with a smirk.

"You should mention that to all the people you captivated during the war" He says smiling.

"They were completely deceived" I continue. He opens his mouth to say something but I talk faster "Walk me home?"

"It will be a pleasure" He says in a way that almost makes me believe he's the same Peeta he always was. I try to erase that impossible idea from my mind.

We walk quietly for some time and I'm the one who breaks the silence.

"So, how are the bakery plans?" He's been trying to open a bakery for five months but apparently not even a previous victor can have the privilege of having an establishment in new Panem.

"The same. I'll have to wait till the end of the year for an authorization from the capitol" He says hopelessly.

"I'm sorry".

"It's really not your fault" He replies still looking at the ground.

We're in front of my house when he stops walking.

"See you Peeta" I say turning to the door but he puts his hand on the knob preventing me from entering the house and forcing me to look at him.

"I don't expect us to be best friends or lovers but I hate feeling that you don't want me around. It's just that, since I came back from the capital things have gotten a lot better, but I still can't figure out some stuff. Could you help me with that? And I promise you this will be the last thing you'll have to do for me" He says almost begging. Oh god, I'm such a terrible person.

"Sure. Anything you have to ask." I turn to put the keys and unlock the house. He's already on his way home when I have an idea. "Do you want to have lunch with me? I'll even let you cook so you don't have to eat my terrible food"

"Well that's an offer I can't refuse" He says smiling.

We enter the house and I immediately drop the bag in the kitchen. He looks around, not feeling very comfortable. We clean the meat and in a short time we're already eating.

"My compliments to the chef. It's delicious" And it really is.

"He appreciates it" He says.

We finish eating and he offers to wash the dishes, a gentleman as usual. After a lot of talking he agrees that I'll wash and he'll dry. We start talking about silly things, like what color Effie's hair must be when he suddenly stops. His eyes become darker and he starts to stare at the sink.

"Peeta, are you ok?" I ask even though I already know the answer. He's having an episode.

He drops the dishes and starts starring at me angrily. I take a step but he pulls me to the wall. He keeps looking at me and I look back. I don't know what to do.

"How can you just stay here pretending to be my friend after everything that happened? How dare you?" He screams holding my arms so I can't run and it starts to hurt. I have bruises all over them but I'm too busy trying to come up with something to say to care.

"Peeta, we've talked about this. The capitol tortured you, it's their fault you're like this" I say trying to look calm.

"No, I don't believe you! You're lying!" He says and tears stream down my face. He starts to take his hands out of my arms and walks away. Peeta leans in the wall and seats on the ground. I seat next to him and rest my head on his shoulder. His eyes become blue again and he takes my hand. When I think things are getting better, he notices the scars in my arm.

"Did I" He hesitates. "Did I do this?" He asks with a horrified face. I don't answer. "Katniss, Did I do this?" He says in a louder voice.

"It's ok, really…" I reply trying to make the situation better. Obviously it doesn't work and he lets go off my hand.

"I have to go… I can't stay here, not after this" he says still looking at the bruises. "Bye Katniss" He responds, leaving me alone again.

I feel terrible, even though I know there was nothing that I could do to stop what just happened. I just wish there was a way that Peeta wouldn't become distant every time an episode happens. Because I also need him. I truly do.


	3. You've got mail

I hear a ring coming from the door and steps walking away. The mail has just arrived. After the revolution, there were some changes in the political way that Panem used to have. Besides from the hunger games, the districts became more liberal and now people can come and go from one district to another. Well, I can't because I killed the future president, but normal citizens can. Now we have letters that I use to communicate with mother much more then the phone that I associate with sessions with Dr. Aurelius. I also love how you read with the person's handwriting and it's like there's a piece of her with you. Or maybe I just miss my mom, whatever. I walk towards the door and find out that the letter is not hers. It's from Annie, who's been living in district 4 and rarely travels in Panem. I walk back and seat on the couch to read it. We're not really close friends, in fact I haven't talked to her in two months. What could she possibly want?

_Dear Katniss,_

_ We haven't spoken in a while, so how are things in district 12? Here things are normal, people are rebuilding district 4 and the center is already pretty much the same way it once was. Of course it's not the same without Finnick, but I guess I'll have to get used to the fact that the only time of the day that I'll see the love of my life will be in my dreams. Your mom has done a great job at the hospital that now is taking care of a lot of people. Anyway, the reason why I'm writing this letter is because, as you know, I'm having a baby. And I'm having a baby shower next week and I'd really like you to go. Most people that will be here are my friends and Finnick's. I already talked to Peeta because unlike some people HE ANSWERS THE PHONE, and he won't be able to come, but I guess you know that, right? By now you must be wondering how you are coming if you can't leave district 12. Well, I talked to president Paylor and she must like you because after a few tries I convinced her to allow you to come and go trough Panem. Yes, you can thank me now. Hope you can make it._

_See you next week?_

_Annie_

No, I didn't know about that. Peeta didn't even mention the baby shower. Could he be distant because of what happened at my house the other day? Well, I have to go talk to him. I decide to do this now so I get up, leave the letter at the kitchen table and go to his house leaving the door unlocked, just to find out his is like that as well. I get in and say he's name but there's no reply. I search for him in the first floor but he isn't here. I go up the stairs, where I've never been and look for him in his room. He is not there either but that's when I notice a room with an ajar door. I walk closer to take a look and see him painting an enormous picture. I can't see it very well but that's when I realize I shouldn't be sneaking into his house like this. I turn around but it's too late, he already saw me. I feel his hand in my shoulder.

"Katniss? What are you doing here?" He asks.

"Hi Peeta. I just stopped by to say that I received Annie's letter." I say. And also to ask why the hell didn't you say something, but that's implicit.

"Oh, really? I've been so busy doing this I forgot to tell you." He looks at the painting that now looks like a picture of a person. "Well, I won't be able to go. A letter from the capitol's arrived saying that they'll let me open the bakery, but I'll have to go there in the same day of the baby shower."

"Too bad. What are you painting?"

"This? You'll see when it's done." He answers.

One week later we go into the train that will take me to district 4 and Peeta to the capitol. Haymitch isn't going because he has a meeting with Effie and Plutarch about the new anthem. Peeta and I weren't required for that, not that we are interested in. The train arrives punctually and we get in. It's a long way but we are not in a rush. The baby shower is only tomorrow so I have enough time. We get in and the train looks exactly the way it was, except that we are not so scared of getting killed by anyone in a few days. I go straight to my bedroom to get some sleep, we had to get up really early. I'm awake for lunch and there's still the same amazing food it used to have the last couple of times. There's the stew I love and hot chocolate. We watch TV for a while and see Plutarch talking about how Panem is recovered from the war. Honestly the most boring thing I have seen on TV. We turn it off and I instantly remember something.

"So, can you show me your painting now?"

"You're really curious, aren't you? Ok, let's go". He says leading me to his bedroom. The painting is leaning on the wall but it is uncovered so I recognize immediately. I could never forget those green eyes that enchanted so many people. Peeta paints so perfectly it's like Finnick Odair is right in front of me. It's amazing how realistic the painting is. Finnick has a smirk in his lips and you can see his wedding ring around his finger. I keep staring at the picture for minutes and after some time is Peeta takes me out of my daydream.

"What do you think?" He asks.

"After all this time, I thought you already knew the answer". I say and he smiles.

"I'll take that as a compliment". He replies.

"You should".

We stop for fuel and walk silently out of the train. At one point, Peeta stops and keeps staring at some flowers. Oh no, I think he remembers. I know it's selfish of me, but I don't want him to remember.

"This where you found out I loved you and I found out you were acting. Real or not real?" Yeah, he remembers.

"Real". I answer looking at the floor. I'm so ashamed but I can't answer him with a lie, because it is true, this where he gave those flowers after our first games and I said Haymitch had told me to act extra in love with him and he said he didn't know he was supposed to do that. It seems so long now.

After some time he takes some flowers and put them in my hair.

"Let's go back". He says, and we go.

After a few hours we arrive in district 4. I put the dress I'm going to wear. It's a short sleeve orange dress that ends on my knee. I don't put make-up on because I want to look like myself. I take my things and go to Peeta's bedroom to get his painting. The moment I get in he starts looking at me from head to toe.

"You look beautiful". He says.

"Thank you". I say, taking the picture. "Well, I have to go".

"I'll walk with you ". He says getting up. "Send my congratulations to Annie, ok?"

"Of course". I answer.

I stop by the door.

"Bye Peeta". I say.

"See you soon Katniss". He says and gives me a kiss on the cheek. I immediately start to blush so I quickly turn around hoping Peeta doesn't notice, but it's too late, I can see the smile on his face which makes me blush even more. Luckily, I'm already out of the train.

Annie's house is not far away so I go walking. As soon as I get there I hear her voice saying my name.

"Katniss! How are you?" She says, taking my present and Peeta's out of my hand.

"Good, how are you?"

"I'm not going to lie like you just did, I'm keeping myself busy. And it is not difficult" She says pointing to where the baby is.

"I see". I reply. The room is crowded with a lot of people I don't know.

"Make yourself at home". Annie kindly tells me.

I start to walk around when I notice someone quite familiar. Wait, I think I know him. Yes, it is who I think. He starts walking towards me the way he used to when we were friends. I think about giving an excuse to leave but he's already in front of me and sooner or later I'll have to face him.

Gale.

_A/N: Sorry about taking so long to post this chapter, I'll try to be faster. I'll probably post the next one next week. I want to know what you think about it so far, so please post reviews, it means a lot to me._


	4. Catnip

"Hey Catnip" Gale says as if nothing happened.

Just the sound of his voice reminds me of our days in the forest, when we were best friends trying to help our families. For months I was so angry at him for leaving, and I still am. I am aware that he was jealous of Peeta, but that doesn't justify going to district 2 without a goodbye. Even though I want to scream at him right now, I can't. Because ain't no use lying to myself. I miss him quite terribly.

"Hi Gale" I say shyly. We stay quite for some time until he pronounces.

"So, how have you been?" he asks. What kind of question is that? Doesn't he know I'm barely alive?

"Well, my sister just died, I hardly ever see my mom, there are moments when Peeta thinks I'm about to stab him and I lost my best friend so pretty good." I ironically explain. "How are you?"

"Terrible" he answers. "I miss my best friend"

"Then you shouldn't have left her" I say, almost not believing what he just told me. It's probably true, but it was up to him going back home or running away from his problems and chose the second option. He looks directly at me for the first time with guilt.

"I'm sorry Katniss. I just couldn't go back to district 12 after what happened, but I knew you were going to be with wonderful company." He says in a way that makes it obvious it's about Peeta.

"Well, at least I'm with someone who even with the worst problem will be by my side. I hope I'm not mistaken with him because I've had the wrong idea of what things were like with others." I say and he raises his eyebrows. By now he's probably thinking I'm involved with Peeta in some way but I don't care. It's not like I lied, I am with him all the time. Nevertheless, he's my friend, an idea that is long gone from Gale's mind.

Gale's expression makes me think he's angry but there's no time for him to say anything back. Annie gets the attention from all the guests and starts to open the gifts. I'm not comfortable standing next to Gale anymore so I walk away until I find my mom. She has the biggest smile on her face and puts her arms around me as soon as get close to her.

"Katniss! How are you darling?"

"I'm fine mom. How are you?"

"Better now that I've spoken with you. I know you don't like phones but they will become useful to talk to people that don't live near you." She says and I can't help but agree with her.

"I miss you"

"I miss you too" She replies and pulls me for another hug.

I look at the center of the room and for the first time I notice the decorations. All the decorations at Annie's house are as blue as the ocean. Blue ribbons are around the handrail and all the tables have daisies. The house is big for two people but I guess they were expecting the father to live there too. She starts to open Peeta's present and I smile of anxiety. She has the biggest smile on her lips and gives me a thanking look. I smile back and she returns to her opening gifts task.

I decide it's time to leave; I want to go back before the sun goes down. I say goodbye to Annie and promise to call my mom more often and get back to the train station. The trains are being used as a main of transportation now that people can go back and forth trough Panem. It's late when I arrive home but I can still see the light at my neighbor's house. I open the door and crawl back to bed. It has been a though day.

_A/N: Again, I am SO sorry for not posting for a long time but I would post a lot faster if I had more reviews. It means the world to me so if anyone who reads it and doesn't review, please do. Hope you liked it._


	5. Hunting

The sound of mockinjays awakens me from another nightmare. They are getting less frequent but as terrible as they always were. But now I'm alone to deal with what my mind does to me during the night so I guess it's like thirteen times as worse as when I was with Peeta.

I go to the kitchen which ironically is least used place in the house to get something to eat. Peeta's lights are on, even though the sun is already shining. I decide to go there after breakfast and see how everything went about the bakery.

As soon as I get there I realize this wasn't a good night for him either. His door was unlocked as usual but I don't think it was his decision to let it open. The living room is a mess, there are lamps broken on the floor and pillows thrown all over the room. I walk up the stairs in search of Peeta and find him still sleeping at his bedroom. His sheets are tidy enough for me to realize that he fell asleep in the middle of an episode.

I seat on his bed and watch him sleep. I don't how much passes until he slowly opens his eyes and realizes that I know about last night.

- It's a mess isn't it? – He asks half-asleep.

- Yes – I answer, since there's no use in lying to what in clear at daylight.

- How was Annie's baby shower? – he gets up and seats next to me.

- Good – I say. I'm not sure if I should mention running into Gale especially since now he thinks Peeta and I are dating or something. – She loved your picture of Finnick. Actually, we all did – I say smiling at the ground and he smiles back. – How was at the capitol?

His smile fades – Well, I just had to sign some papers for the capitol control. I just wish they had sent me those papers. It wasn't something that I needed to be there in person. I just don't want to go back there anymore.

- I see. – And I also understand another thing. It was completely unnecessary for Peeta to go to the capitol and he certainly ran by Dr. Aurelius or someone who knew him in his visit. It was just a way for them to keep an eye on him. No surprise he had an episode.

- Are you hungry? Should we make breakfast – he gets up.

- Not really, I just ate.

- Oh, okay. I'm not hungry either. – He looks around and that's when I realize he is standing his hand to help me get up. I take his hand and we stay standing very close to each other for a few minutes. I don't what to do. He doesn't say anything but the way he's staring at me makes it look like he doesn't want me to leave, which is what I should do.

- I have to go – I say and start to turn around when his voice stops me.

- No, wait! – he says – Don't you want to do something, you could see how district 12 is outside the Victor's Village or maybe go somewhere else…

Is this what I think it is? Is he asking me on a date? He clearly wants to spend more time with me but maybe he just doesn't want to stay alone today. Not after what happened last night.

- I have an idea… - I say and his smiles reapers – Have you ever haunted?

No, he never did. The first times I tried to teach him how to not make noise he stepped on two branches and scared any animal around. After a few tries I give up and get a couple of squirrels for dinner.

- See, I promised you we were going to eat what we got here – he says trying to make up his horrible hunting abilities with humor.

- No, you said that we were going to eat what _you _would get here.

- Yeah, I can't argue with facts. – He says.

As we walk through the square I notice people staring at us like they used to before the revolution. It's weird to think they still think we're a couple after what happened to Peeta, but in their minds I always loved him and we're still married so it's probably easier to think that at one point we were going to get back together.

They are so wrong.

We get into his house and see an elegant envelop from the capitol near the front door. We're still laughing about something he said when I read the first sentences of the letter out loud and both of our smiles disappear. It's about a mask ball to celebrate one year that Snow has been out of the control of Panem, kind of like the fourth of July used to be. And it will be at the capitol. Great, just what I needed, a reminder of what our lives were a year ago. I hate these parties where I have to pretend to be one of those perfect, always-smiling girls. Because I'm so far from that.

- Maybe we don't even have to go – I say as soon as I finish reading the letter.

- You think Plutarch will be okay without his mockinjay on an event like this? – Peeta says and I have to agree. He won't.

- Yeah, I guess not. Are you going with me?

- Only if I get to dance with the most beautiful girl in the room. – He says looking at me – Otherwise it will be a waste of time.

Maybe it won't be the worst night after all.


End file.
